I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
