I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
