did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
