Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
