Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
