Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
