I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
