am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
