You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
