Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
