all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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