and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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