I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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