Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
