Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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