Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
