his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
