i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
