I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
