I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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