I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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