i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
