Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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