you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize