Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
