Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Green mimosas i think yes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
