Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize