i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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