so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
