She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
time to smoke my breakfast
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
