dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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