is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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