Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My bed smells like the plague
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So here I am, sexting at work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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