Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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