why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
