I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
