alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
