I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
