you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
