So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Come see our sink grown plant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
