I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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