The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
