I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
