I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
