the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
