Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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