i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dear god my vagina.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
