just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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