absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
