mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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