you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
