things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize