So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
