I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
