just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
