Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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