she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
