I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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