If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
