You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
