Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
