1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
