I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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