i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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