the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
