Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
