its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
