Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
